The current state of my mind could be described as foggy with sleep. I wanted to sleep more but there was one spot on my foot that kept itching so, I'm awake. I suspect that this will make for an interesting read later..even for me once I'm awake.

So, I have been experiencing the rigamarole (did I say that right?) that first time parents must go through to enroll their kid into preschool. I suppose every parent, whether first time or not, goes through it with every kid they have but I think with first timers, it's a sharper experience. The application form itself was an inch thick. Not to mention that the state law requires every child caught up on immunizations. Laurelai managed to skip the last one so guess what has to be done? I can't do it. I just can't. So, I suppose her father will have to take her, whom I regard as an insensitive, hot tempered creature with little brain matter.

The last time I took her to get shots, I ended up leaving her with the nurse like a bad mother and just collapsing in the hall way, covering my ears and crying. Her screams shot right to my heart and left me incapacitated. I have such a fear and phobia of needles and those little cries of hers just made it all surface. I wanted to beat the nurse up for hurting my little girl.

Other than this current nightmare, I have needle issues of my own to deal with. I have finally plucked up the courage to go back to the doctor a second time to look into my hypothyroidism. Blood tests and possibly other tests (Withdrawing of fluid directly from the thyroid gland in the neck) will be done. I know I have it. I have had it since a loooong time ago but the idiot doctor was ...well.. an idiot. It felt more like a rough groping session than an examination and the blood test made the strong and fearless patriarch of the family (the soon to be ex) pass out. But, it came back negative. I guess I wasn't sick enough. I had to wait until I got worse, I suppose. Anyway, I'm going on Monday. Laurelai's application for Preschool is due Monday. Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to Monday.

Some may wonder what hypo/hyperthyroidism is. Respectively, it is where those special glands make too little or too much of some hormones that balances your body, labeled T3 and T4. As a result, the body is thrown off and it struggles to work with what its got..or doesn't got... and it doesn't succeed very well. As in my case, hypothyroidism, it makes too little of the hormone. My hair is brittle and sheds quite frequently (which makes for an interesting vaccuuming experience), weight is gained but it is nearly impossible to be lost, eyesight goes, other unmentionable things regarding the body's functions, and most importantly, moods are greatly affected. It makes me have anxiety attacks, I hold onto anger quite often, and I find myself reclusive; not wanting to go out or having people to come see me. In other words, I'm an emotional wreck. I hope that all is fixed very soon.

Other than needle issues, there's my own schooling to prepare for, a writing career that is NOT taking off, and the coming to grips with the fact that my little girl is four and is going to be attending school soon. I am now freaking out about who my little girl will be around, if I can't see if I can get her into better schools and what if she is teased or hurt or the teacher is a stupid cow to her. It's difficult for me! I never understood it until now and now I kick myself for being the paranoid parent. There are other large issues and changes coming and I despise change. At the same time, some changes are so largely desired, I must change or I'm going to just wither up and die.

I realize that this post is neither exciting or great but it's me: tired and blah.